*Viewer's discretion is highly needed. If you're allergic to religious jokes please proceed to the posting after the next posting.
The 10 COMMANDMENTS and my 10 RESPONSES
I AM THE LORD YOUR GOD WHO BROUGHT U OUT OF THE LAND FROM EGYPT [asl pls? the last time i checked my IC says 'Place of birth:Ipoh, Perak, Malaysia ]
YOU SHALL HAVE NO OTHER GODS BEFORE ME [B..B...But you said you were the one and only?!]
YOU SHALL NOT MAKE FOR YOURSELF AN IDOL [DAMN, there goes my chance to participate in Malaysian Idol]
YOU SHALL NOT MAKE WRONGFUL USE OF THE NAME OF YOUR GOD [Whats your name? hat about stuff like "JESUS CHRIST!!!!'" or "HOLY MOTHER OF GODDD!!!!", "IN THE NAME OF GOD STOP SCRATCHING YOUR BOTTOM LAH?" ]
REMEMBER THE SABBATH AND KEEP IT HOLY [Black Sabbath?? well yeahhh rock and roll baby!!! Keep it holy i shall]
HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER [yea.. i'm wouldn't want my allowance be reduced again, pffft!]
YOU SHALL NOT MURDER [uhh... does that cockroach count? well, he started it first!!]
YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY [uh oh]
YOU SHALL NOT STEAL [its ok... i only rob, carjack and hack paypal]
YOU SHALL NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST YOUR NEIGHBOR [but i REALLY saw Mr. Tan chewing his own nose droppings from my window!!!]
YOU SHALL NOT COVET YOUR NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE [More like he'll covet MY house... haha]
YOU SHALL NOT COVET YOUR NEIGHBOUR'S WIFE [what??HER???EWWWW!!!!]
That was just for laughs. Anyway its always good to stay true to your religion then nothing others say or do can really touch you. What really matters is what you believe in. Religion guides us to deny wrong and do what's right. What's screwed up is that people nowadays listen more to what certain humans preach about and believing so much in what others preach that they lost their own free will to think and choose. The free will to think whats best for yourself AND the people around you. Extremism is not the solution. Its by believing in something and standing by the qualities and principals that you've adopted as you grow to be older, may you find the right way to fight for what you believe Extremism was, is and should never be the way. Or else... it would be another case of blind leading the blind. That is EXACTLY whats happening to the world today. Pity.
1. I'm straight 2. I have nothing against Islam or any religion 3. I am not racist 4. I was young back then
Ok with all the Hari Raya spirit in the air, I've been quite excited about the Raya Holidays and study break until I finally realize its utterly boring with no one around campus and having my beloved mamak shop who's manager wants to take me to Bangalore with him, is closed which gave me a very odd feeling when I see that its not in operation as its open almost 365 days a year without rest which makes me sort of pity the workers there as I never did see them having a day off but it would be alright since according to them they don't have anywhere else to go except to sleep and work........
*GASPS FOR AIR*
Anyways, I was eating at the Mamak one day recently and it was "buka puasa" (break fast - not breakfast... ) time. Where the prayers started to "berkumandang" on the tele. As usual it starts with "Allahuakhbar" and it goes on.
It actually reminded me of myself when I was a little younger when I use to sit and stare at the prayer being aired on TV3 until my mom comes and say "You got nothing else better to watch ah?"
Having to live 16 years at Ipoh where my house is situated near .. well... not so near... to the army barracks i'm used to listening to the Muslim prayers which will be my alarm clock in the morning too.
And on that day, I laughed at myself for having a misperception way back then.
Check this out.....
When I was younger.....
I use to think that they were actually saying..... "ALLAHHHH WAS BOMBED!" instead of Allahuakhbar.....
Yeah....
I've been thinking that it was .. erm.. that.... all my life until I actually saw the spelling one day.
And thinking back about the September 11 attack and those few-screw-loose terrorist attack news on the paper trying to blow up the whole world.
It got me thinking......
Says my Malay friends, those are the lost ones who thinks their heroes when in the FIRST place they misintepreted the Quran.
So I thought to myself.....
Prayers came from the Quran..... Terrorists misintepreted the Quran..... I'm hearing "Allah Was Bombed" almost everyday.....
THOSE ASSHOLES THOUGHT THAT ALLAH WAS BOMBED SO THEY WANNA PLAN THE SAME ATTACK ON THE REST OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THOSE PRICKS................................ . . . . .
Ok.... NOW that i realize that I was the bigger prick misunderstanding what the prayers mean.... I finally realize what it actually meant. But never have I tried to disrespect any religion since I believe all religion that we hold strongly onto, only teaches us how to do good and stay away from trouble. (at least the legit ones).
But that doesn't mean the terrorists aren't pricks!
Anyway, in the spirit of the marking the end of Puasa Month, I would like to wish all my Muslim friends, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri dan Maaf Zahir Batin!
"Khye Theng" Ok your name is on my blog already! And i'm kind enuf to put ur blog link here... and ur picture! http://khyetheng.blogspot.com/
The following is my MSN conversation with Clara Tan (My beloved ex-GRO... eh i mean PRO)
˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: today u got work meh? ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: i tot today holiday?? *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ yesterday also working... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ he he *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ damn tired *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ my customer is thailand ma.. *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ they work i must work also *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ LOL ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: -.-""""" ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: THAI... LAND...... ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: WHAT..... ARE U WORKING AS????? ·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: *gulp* *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ customer fulfilment professional *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ bored like hell man this job *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ damn stressful !!! *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ that day work till 1am... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ >.< ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: customer FULFILMENT????? *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ sad case man... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ got job no life ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: PROFESSIONAL SUMOREEEEEEEEE *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ ya... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ LOL... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ ishhh *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ come back come back *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ plz dun go so far *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ LOL ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: THAILAND... ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: CUSTOMER FULFILMENT *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ crazy *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ ishhhh ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ dun go other place ok... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ LOL ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: DANG............... ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: tsk tsk tsk.. clara clara... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ aiyo... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ ishhh... ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: clara = gro *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ your head la... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ ishhh *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ T_T ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: so.............. wat do u fulfil those thailand ppl? *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ LOL *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ i process their orders lo... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ >.< *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ raise delivery order all *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ ha ha ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: PIMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ your head la.. *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ LOL ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: OMG SO FUNNY *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ wat funny la.. *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ crazy ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: k lar k lar... ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: shiet i'm so hungry now.... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ go eat lo.. *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ i eat mcd *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ ha ha ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: shiet i just wanted to order mcd... ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: but i have to go atm.............. *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ LOL ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: k i go bathe first... then come back blog about u *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ ha ha... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ go go go... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ its so far... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ mine is just below my office only... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ no no no... *care*-): ċĽąяά 陈佩仪™ ishhhh ˙·٠●•ҳ̸Ҳ̸ҳ Calvi: use mcd as cover up for ur operation ehhh
Now that I know, Clara has a secret profession.... Guessed all that "PUBLIC RELATION" officer experience she got during 12th INTIMA paid off. Haha, just for laughs yah Claraaaaa..... don't get angry!
My recommendation, find a job with a not-so-confusing title so that ppl like me won't tend to misunderstand!
GAH! after a season of dry and postless blog, I finally found someone's Internet connection to leech on. Haha! I know its ethically wrong but i'm shifting from this wretched place of mine to a new place. So i'm currently without a personal network until I shift. Next best thing is to leech and I happen to find someone kind enough not to lock his/her network. So yeah, I'm praying for that generous soul to continue to go unaware that i'm leeching his/her net! Man, god bless u, whoever you are!
Life w/out Internet is painstakingly uhrm... pain.
Having to walk all the way to academic block to leech on the wifi, to the cyber cafe in the middle of the night, or borrowing someone else's net, sucks!
Anyway, looking forward to blogging again... in my room where the mood only seems right here.
To the dude/chick whom internet I am leeching on...
I'M NOT HERE...
I'M NOT HERE...
I'M NOT HERE...
*poof*
Oh yea..... i got bored during RAYA holz..... so i decided to goof around with Dr. Lee (our beloved president of INTI-UC) photo. Now thats one president you don't wanna mess with!
McDonalds, McDonalds, Kentucky Fried Chicken and a Pizza Hut....
Let me leave KFC and Pizza Hut outta this and lemme talk about MickiDssince its one of the BIGGEST fast food tyrant on earth's surface. The last time I ever had a BigMac was way long time ago, last week and that ain't my ideal thought of an ideal Happy Meal coz I wasn't exactly happy.
WHY??!!
I was pondering at their advertisement saying "At McDonald's we've got time for you". Then why is it FAST food. Why do they design their service so that you're in and out as soon as possible? Why do you feel hungry so soon after eating a Big Mac?
The power of stupid advertising. NOW, it does not really take any special intelligence for you to start questioning McDonalds and realize that something is seriously wrong.
You probably know who RonaldMcDonald is. Yea, the red-haired clown who looks very much like Joker from Batman only thing he probably had a much better make-up artist. He's probably much more popular among kids compared to other cartoon icons like Cookie Monster from Sesame Streets by a friggin clear mile.
I pretty much don't get it since to me that clown looks very much like a pedophile always smilling so widely in pictures staring at a bunch of kids running around him.
Ronald McPedo
Damn, does he look alot like Michael Jackson in disguise or what?
Nearly ALL McDonalds advertising are aimed at children.
PLAYGROUNDS, Happy Meals and most of all those toys they make that comes with every purchase of a Happy Meal.
I probably know that some of you go insane when McD comes up with a new plush toys that you have to go every week, get a McChicken just to be "eligible" to purchase that plushy. GIRLS especially in this case and half of them ain't kids. Ya, ya its cute... I know I know.... *rolls eyes*
Anyways, I think McDonalds has more bullshit than any other fast food outlets in the world.
If you do visit Malaysia's McDonald's website you've got check out one section called "Balanced and Active Lifestyle"
It looks something like this:
"Eating right for a balanced, active life" Well hell yeah it does but NOT McDonalds!
Why do they even have this page, with a dude and his kid flying aeroplanes?
What kind of sick dad would bring his kid to McDs everyday?
Should McDonald's be even said to be serving "Nutritous Food?"
This is weirder!
In 2004, McDonalds actually launched a "Fitness Fun" programme with that pedophile clown to encourage children to take care of their health.
DOES HE EVEN LOOK LIKE HE CAN RUN????
The only thing they are ever gonna work out is their mouth chewing so many McWhatever that the clown shove them with. Geez!
Next fact: McJunkFood
The reason why McDonald's food don't really fill you its because of their ingredients. If it does, it probably won't even last you half a day! A Quarter Pounder is made up of 48% water. How screwed up is that? Spending RM25 on McWaterFood that lasts me only 3 hours, I'd rather buy 25 bottles of Spritzer that'll bloat me up more than that.
No matter what they call it, Fast Food, Ferrari, Porche or Lamborghini food its still junk food. Its synthetic and packed.
What scared me the most are McD's famous GMF! No, not that "Gay Mother F**ker" pedophile clown, but their famous Genetically Modified Fries.
McEXPERIMENT
Kids, if you DON'T believe me, here is one experiment that your Chemistry, Biology and Physics teacher will give u an A+ for doing it.
1. Beg your mommy to bring you to the nearest McDonalds. 2. She probably won't so cry as loud as you can to annoy her. 3. If you succeed, get to McDonalds and order ONLY fries. 4. OK I know you probably won't follow step no. 3 so just buy your McWhatever and keep at least 1 of your french fries. 5. Bring it home and put it in a jar. 6. If you don't have a jar put in your piggy bank. 7. If you don't have a piggy bank just leave it in any container. 8. And GET a piggy bank to start saving money. 9. Check back in 2 months. 10. Taste the McTwoMonthsOldFries if you dare. 11. If not just have a good look and you'll notice it'll probably look as good as new.
Yeap, McFrenchFries takes at least one and a half months to rot! Or maybe longer! Makes me feel like i was eating plastic all along. DAMN!
Next Fact: Exclusive Interview With McRempit
The following is a live interview with a McDonalds Delivery Rider, also known to us by McRempit to make him sound more "glamer"(glamourous).
We ordered McDonaldsjust so that we could interview that dude and he was rather reluctant so we told him it was for our semester project about the fast food industry. He accepted finally (or else we'd probably jump and choke him for wasting our money) and here is what he said:-
The Interview with MrMcRempitz
Let me break it down for you. In the interview we found out that every hour that dude alone comes to deliver orders from INTI about 10 times and approximately 20 trips to places around the area.
Assuming each trip, there are only 5 orders and McDonald's peak hours are from 7pm to 3am which is 8 hours, I shall multiply that to the RM3 delivery charge they charge us.
20 x 3 x 8 x RM3 = RM1440 just by delivery charges alone.
In a month it'll be RM43200 BY DELIVERY CHARGES ALONE!
And if I assume that there are only 100 outlets in Malaysia, it'll be RM4,320,000 spent by us on delivery charges!!
IN A YEAR IT'LL BE RM51,840,000 ON DELIVERY CHARGES... ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Second fact that MrMcRempit cared to share with us is that, there ARE blokes who order food from McDonalds almost EVERYDAY until he can even recognize them by their name on the receipt!
And the worst part is the nearest row of restaurants and mamak shops are just 5 minutes away by foot, tops!
Now, I know why the pedophile clown is so happy all the time!
This is ROYALMCMURDER!
PEOPLE,
Kicking the McHabit of burger is easy. And it's the best way to start by giving up meat altogether.....
Alright i'm just kidding. Unless you are a branchiosaurus aka vegetarian. Hell i'm never gonna give up meat! Haha!
But you never know in future what new McWicked and McSick ideas McDonalds is going to have to advertise their McProducts.
NO ONE is ever safe from the pedophile clown.
They might even make it seem more right for everyone to eat their burgers by coming up with erm..... burgers for.... ALL RELIGION! Picture having stuff like McChristian, McBuddhist, and McMuslim.
The whole world is going McCrazy! And I doubt that it will McEver stop!
Its just gonna be you killing more McCows and McHens or you can save 'em by eating with some McCommonSense.
FAST FOOD KILLS........ DON'T LET IT KILL YOU!
These are fries from FacebookCafe tho. But it still McCOUNTS!
For those of you who are having your finals (especially blokes from INTI since its the time of the year when we all wishwe were dead), here are some of MY tips on how you can survive this World War 3
BUT look, I'm not gonna tell you about how you should be writing your notes or drawing your mind maps cause I bet you already know it because... YOU'RE IN COLLEGE!
Ok, here are some of the techniques I adhere to during examination seasons:-
The Art of Paper War
1. Save the timefretting about how much you have to study and just study. Worrying makes it double.
2. Plan and strategize the most strategic place to place your alarm clock so that you won't whack it and go back to bed.
3. Prepare a dictionary beside you so you don't have to spend time thinking of how to spell a word when you are writing for your exam paper. Easier if you understand the word.
4. Don't get too stressed out till you start thinking of how to obtain MC so that you can skip your exam.
5. Use the stress ball INTI gave you when u first enrolled if you happen to be over-stressed. -Squeeze it for mild stress. -Hurl it at your friend to give yourself a good laugh for extreme stress
6. If your friend wants to hurl a stress ball at you to release his extreme stress, RUN if you don't wanna get hurt just before exams. But stay PERFECTLY still if you need an MC.
7. Sleep with your book or notes under your pillow. (Mental encouragement)
8. Don't overeat because more oxygen is needed to go process the food and none for your computer up there. (your brain)
9. Make sure surrounding temperature is right. Too cold will induce sleep. Too hot you'll spend half of your time cursing INTI.
10. IM your peers to dig whatever tips or insight information you can get.
11. Remember to smile at your lecturers when you see them.
12. Drink more water. Not about being good for your body but you'll get to go to the toiler every now and then constantly to take a break.
13. If you are prone to panic attacks,don't continue reading notes. Lay down on your bed and ponder about how what you are going to do during the holidays.
14. Hang a BIGGEST and SCARIEST photo of your mom or dad on your wall, set it as your desktop wall paper and maybe your cellphone too.
15. During free time, spend some time generating a list of possible excuses you can give in case you fail your paper.
16. Put your phone on silent so no nimkampoop can disturb you when you are trying to make a connection with your notes.
17. Put MCDONALDS delivery service hotline number on speed dial.
Put a note outside your room saying:-
"DO NOT DISTURB!
Unless you have tips for me.."
p/s: Viewers discretion is HIGHLY needed. Writer will NOT be responsible for any damages caused.
So those are some of the stuff that might be able to help you cheat death... And for all those reading who are having your papers...
Good luck..... if you never did study coz you'll be needing lots of it. All the best..... if you did!
Anyhow GOOD LUCK to myself >.<
Owh and... what are YOUR studying techniques that you can share with me?
You'd probably go bonkers when you were young watching David Copperfielddo his thang on television. I was just as intrigued as you i supposed when i was young watching "magicians" do the impossible.
But lemme tell you something. There is no such thing as magic. At least that is what I believe.
I'm especially into card tricks coz to me its cool and you can do it anywhere.
David Blaine is one of the magicians who is pretty cool in card tricks, well, until I got to know how he does his trick. Its called "Sleight of Hand". Pretty fast hands he's got there and God knows how he practices his speed. =P
OK. David Blaine's a hoax. Check this explanation out!
Anyhow, respect to those who invented all this crap. Pure genius in bullshitting i'm telling ya!
OK, almost everyone who visited my blog HAD to comment on the picture of my blogs header.
Girl: Aiyer, so obscene! Calvin: Whats so obscene?! Girl: Your blog header lah. Got naked boobs!!! Calvin: Its not naked! Its SEMI-naked boobs clad with headphones. Girl: But why??? Calvin: Er..... boobs need music too? Imagine how bored it is stuck in ur shirt the whole day not getting to meet anyone else but you. Give em' a break la. Girl: ....................
Guy: Aiyer, so obscene! Calvin: Whats so obscene?! Guy: Your blog header lah. Got naked boobs!!! Calvin: Its not naked! Its SEMI-naked boobs clad with headphones. Guy: O... ok.... send to me pls. Calvin: No. Go get your own boobs.
Here are examples of the REAL naked boobies:
Naked Moobies
[This is wrong, wrong, wrong! Theoratically, those are called Moobs, which stands for man boobs]
Sorry Simon!
["I F-ink..... that you have got the most BRILLIANT boobs ever you might just win America's Got Boobs! "]
Hallelujah! Praise the lord! I've got a C-cup!
Nachos Not exactly the superhero you had in mind He probably suffocates the villains with his superhuman Moobs.
A little myth busting! Myth: You can combust a lighter by hurling it HARD on solid surfaces Mythbusters: Calvin Chung ft. Reuben Dave Time:6.14 am Tool: An alladin Lighter
HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER
